The Beast of the East
A taste
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A bite from the Beast:

It happened round about lunch time of a Sunday as I was tucking into my cheese and radish sandwich. There were something odd about the combination of tastes in my mouth that were reminiscent of mouldy carrot. And this fact were to be significant, but you won't understand why until you read the next bit, because I can be cryptic and mysterious and even misleading when I really set my mind to it.

The fustiness of the bread roll distilled on my palate and it were just as the ghost of it were hanging about at the back of my mouth that a sickeningly familiar profile showed itself at the window. The last in the line of the so-called 'de Spades'. He peered in at us with the quick intensity of a magpie on a raid and as he dived away the air held a fading imprint of his excessively beaky aspect.

Shortly afterwards, his disappearance were mirrored by the sudden and inexplicable absence of my only love: Margery. Her gin and lemon fizzed idly on the table, bearing lipstick traces of the fuchsia pink she favoured. But she herself had evaporated. There were not even a careless slop to show which way she might ha' gone.

Sprout topiary
"Brussel Sprout, a well known Norfolk Aphrodisiac."
Illustration by A. Base.